Keeping a Secret is No Picnic

It has been 4 weeks since my ultra sound. And 4 weeks since I found out what kind of baby we are having. “Kind of baby” ….sounds funny, as if the baby is a car. Anyway, it took me about 4 minutes to look at the card after I finished writing the ultra sound post. I currently can’t wait for any news. I am all about the spoilers. After the premier of The Bachelor I searched the internet to find out which girl he had chosen. During the Golden Globes I looked up all of the winners before it even started (West Coast Time!). I wished I could have known the spoiler for the Super Bowl, I really didn’t want to see those 49ers win the championship. I’m shocked I didn’t look up the spoiler to Downton Abbey, which I should have, I would have liked to be prepared for the bombshells they dropped on us. The point is, I can’t handle surprises. I needed to know what we were having. So I looked.

Within a few days I regretted finding out. I didn’t realize I would be on an island. I can’t tell anyone….NOT. A. SOUL. It doesn’t bother me that I can’t tell most people, but it’s really hard not to share it with Kollin, my husband. Whenever I have a thought about what it’s going to be like, I can’t say anything. I have had to catch myself so many times when thoughts of the future  enter my mind. Plus, I tell my husband everything, and this is a major secret to keep from him.

People keep asking if I have accidentally dropped the pronoun. I have only made that mistake once. I dropped the pronoun in front of a student, luckily he is a second grade boy who only hears about 65% of what I say.

I also bought something for the baby at a store and the lady who sold the item to me said, “oh, so you are having a little………” I had to tell her immediately it was hush hush and if she saw me with my husband or a friend in the store with me that she shouldn’t say anything. Although, I wanted to sit down with her and share all of the thoughts I’ve had the past month, that I’ve wanted to tell Kollin. I was relieved to tell someone. Unfortunately, she may have thought I was crazy if I became an over sharer.

The other reason I will never do this again is everyone else, analyzing every word I say about the baby. They keep waiting for me to slip, however everything I say about the gender is hypothetical. But they are insistent I’ve messed up and given something away. Sometimes I feel like I am in an interrogation room under a hot light. But it’s safe to say I am sure I haven’t slipped. I am aware of every word that comes out of my mouth. It’s a bit irritating. I could be talking about the weather or Downton Abbey (second reference) and I still have a wall up in the back of my head reminding me not to drop the pronoun or just blurt out the gender.

So far, so good. I have managed to keep the secret. But I will never, ever do this again. Keep you posted. However, the way things are going you probably won’t get to find out the sex until June…sorry!

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